My Sweet Nephew,
This past weekend I attended a yoga workshop. You know how I love yoga! And as I would take the hour train ride home, for three days in a row, I would think about all the emotions I experienced during this workshop. Can you imagine being at Taekwondo class for a full day? And then having to do it again the next day, AND the next day? I was tired! I had so many emotions and they ranged from happiness and joy, to confusion and frustration, to exhaustion and a bit of anger too. Has that ever happened to you? As I experienced each emotion, I was present and conscious during all of them. AND THAT is what I was most proud of.
Do you understand what being conscious means? I am certain you are googling it right now, but I will also tell you in the event that you are not. Being conscious means to have a FULL understanding of what is happening in your immediate surroundings. Right now. Not what has just happened a couple of minutes ago and not what will happen in a few minutes. For example, if you are sitting on your bed reading this letter, you should be conscious of how the paper feels in your hand, what my handwriting looks like, what the room smells like if Mommy has a candle burning and what the words mean as you are reading… What you should not be doing, because it would not exhibit conscious behavior, is to think about how your Fortnite character didn’t make it last night or what is the name of Hans Solo’s ship. You know what I mean?
I won’t bore you with all the details of the workshop but let me tell you; It. Was. Hard.
On the last day, I was on the training heading home and thinking about the entire weekend. I was tired, hungry, irritated, and a little sad and I wanted to cry. And as I was agonizing over ALL the emotions, I asked myself, “Elli, what is going on here? Why are you feeling this way?” In that moment I was being CONSCIOUS. I had a choice, as we all do, and that is to let the emotions take control of me or for me to take control of my emotions. I chose the second one and I started to break it all down.
- I was physically tired and my muscles were sore. I wanted to take a bath and lay on my couch! But I was sitting on a smelly dirty train instead.
- I was hungry, so my blood sugar was low, and being hungry makes me feel like I have very low energy. Also, feeling hungry and knowing that I have at least an hour before I can eat makes me angry sometimes (Have you heard of the word HANGRY? That means that you are hungry and angry at the same time so you better eat!
- The irritation comes into play when my blood sugar is low (I know that about myself)
- And I felt a bit sad because I tried something newer and it was difficult. I am usually quick to catch on to things and although I did catch on, I still thought I could have done better.
As I was breaking this all down in my head (No, I was not saying this all out loud because people on the train would think I was crazy!) I imagined that you were sitting next to me on the train and I was talking to you about it. Why you? Because I want you to learn how to understand your emotions and why you feel what you feel sometimes. You know what I mean?
And although I know there are some things that you just have to live through and learn, I still want to share these moments with you. Because I want you to live consciously. I hope for you to be aware of every moment of your life and be able to notice your emotions as they come up or as they shift and be able to understand them. I want you to be able to see that you are in control of your emotions and they don’t control you. I also want you to know that it’s ok to feel all sorts of emotions. Even when you feel angry or frustrated, it’s ok. Just understand where it is coming from.
I felt angry and one point during the workshop and I actually felt my face flush and I thought I was going to cry. I was trying to get into a pose that was difficult for me and it didn’t feel right. As I felt angry for not being able to get it to feel right, I stopped and asked myself: “ok, why are you angry Elli? Is it really the pose?” And as I really thought about it, I understood it.
- I was hungry. I had brought snacks but this workshop was physically challenging and I needed more!
- I was so used to Vinyasa Yoga (that is the name of the yoga I like to practice and teach) not Ashtanga (which is the style of yoga the workshop was about) and it had been a long time since I was that challenged in yoga. And since I practice alone mainly, I don’t push myself as I get pushed in a training or workshop.
So basically I broke it down and understood where my emotions were coming from. Since I was able to do this, I was able to answer myself. I said, “Elli, you are hungry. Fine Well you should have been more prepared so next time BRING MORE SNACKS. And feeling challenged is something amazing. Learning takes time and you can’t learn everything in one day! What matters is that you put in the effort. And you are!” So, by talking to myself (NOT OUTLOUD!) I quickly let the feelings subside so I can continue to learn. Voila! (That’s French for there it is)
Do you get angry? I am sure you do. It’s hard to be happy all the time, isn’t it? What makes you upset or angry?
You know what would be cool? If you noticed one day when you were feeling upset, sad, angry, or frustrated and you asked yourself “Why do I feel this way?” And after that, you broke it down for yourself! AND then you can write me back about your experience! I think that would be cool. Because I can learn from you too. 🙂
Miss you so so so so much. Who loves you? You know it. Me.
xoxo, Eltee (I love that you still call me that)