How to Practice Self-Therapy
In the Yoga Sutra 1.12 and 1.13, Patanjali says that the mental modifications of the mind can be restrained in two ways: by practice and non-attachment. In the case of these two, effort toward the steadiness of the mind IS practice. Practice doesn’t necessarily make perfect, but practice gets results.
Self-therapy can happen when you are constantly aware of your mind and emotions, can scrutinize every single thought, feeling, and move you make, and go beyond the scrutiny with action. This process takes practice, non-attachment to the outcome, and the ability to live and respond within the realms of your truth. If you feel ready to uncover answers and start to change patterns then practicing a little self-therapy can help you.
Why You Should Practice Self-Therapy
You know yourself the best. Others can tell you what they believe they see from what you are outwardly expressing, but only you know what the truth is. Whether the truth is deep, dark, surface, or bright, having an honest, raw conversation with yourself is liberating because it gets out of the bottle and finds room to breathe and then transform. Self-therapy is a freedom tool when practiced consistently and appropriately.
How to Practice Self-Therapy
Patanjali gives us three qualifications of practice: (1) practice for a long time (basically for as long as you are alive), (2) without break, and (3) in all earnestness. Keep reading for ways to practice.
Be Aware
Become aware of when your mood or energy shifts. Notice how you feel when you wake up and label it with a word. You don’t have to stick to that feeling all day (because remember we also practice non-attachment) but you can become aware of how your emotions shift by paying attention to them! From there you you gain the ability to realize certain patterns around these emotions.
Scrutinize Every Thought, Emotion, and Move You Make.
Once you have brought awareness into your daily life, ask yourself the magic question: WHY? Ask yourself why this emotion is present or why this repeated thought is present; why your mood just shifted or why you reacted to something a certain way; why things feel good and why others don’t. Keep asking yourself WHY until you can’t ask the question anymore because you have your answer. Saying I don’t know is not an answer. Because we know, we always know!
For example, if someone canceled plans on you last minute and you felt your energy shift to upset, ask yourself what the emotion is that is with you. This is how the conversation with yourself might look like.
Is it anger, irritation, or sadness?
Sadness because I don’t want to be alone. Why?
It feels bad and uncomfortable. Why?
When I was younger my brother always ignored me and left me to play alone because he liked his friends better. And why does that bother you?
I feel that my friend canceled because I’m not good or fun enough to be with.
Aaaaaaaa ok you feel not good enough or worth it.
Take Action
Once you find your answer, it’s time to take action. Ok, so you found the reason why your energy shifted. Taking action means doing something about it to change it. Scrutinize it even more and ask yourself what you can do to change the pattern of thought or emotion. DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.
Ways to Take Action for Self-Therapy
FREE-FLOW WRITING– This is my absolute favorite tool of self-therapy. I use this tool every day in my morning routine. Set the timer for 10-15 minutes, have your topic in mind, and begin to write without stopping or correcting your grammar or mistakes. You let it flow out of yourself into the pen and onto the paper. Even when you think you need to pause and think, don’t think, continue writing even if you write that you lost your train of thought, or why you lost your train of thought. Keep following the flow. If the timer dings and you need more time, keep going! The only rule is you don’t stop until you get to the bottom of it!
Examples of free-flow topics:
- What if I was nicer to myself?
- What if I didn’t care about people’s judgments?
- How does my fear of standing up for myself affect my life?
- What makes me feel insecure?
TALK it out with someone you trust completely – Go to that person who listens fully and doesn’t just blurt out advice. Get it all out and ask them to ask you questions to dig deeper.
RESEARCH ways to break through the specific emotion or thought patterns. Find books or sites that can help guide you through a little bit of self-discovery and give you tools to deal with what is going on. Then DO those things. (action)
READ through the Yoga Sutras of Patanjali and the 8-limb path so you can be guided into clearing the mind through specific practices such as Ahimsa (being kind), Satya (being truthful), and Aparigraha (letting go and not attaching).
REPEAT AN AFFIRMATION – Only you know the positive words that you need to hear right now. Put the words in a present tense statement (as if you are already living those things every day) and then write it down. You can write it down once a day (maybe in your planner when you open it to check the schedule for the day) or multiple times a day. If you meditate, (or if not) you can sit comfortably, close your eyes, and repeat your affirmation (out loud or silently) for as long as you like. You can also write it on a sticky note and stick it on your bathroom mirror or your car!
MEDITATE – Sit in silence for a long while. It takes up to 20-30 minutes (beginners) for the mind to settle until you can get into more of a meditative state. You can stay in silence and wait for some clarity to come through on a specific subject or in general. Ask yourself a question as the intention and wait to see if you can feel an answer come through. Maybe it’s asking what can you do to release the block or emotion. I know this isn’t easy, but it’s an action.
To sum it all up, to practice self-therapy there needs to be an awareness of emotional shifts and thoughts, the ability to scrutinize those shifts and thoughts, and the curiosity to ask why (about those shifts and thoughts) ALL THE TIME until you receive an answer.
There may be times when you need to go to a professional for more guidance and by all means do it! Imagine how much more productive the sessions will be if you already have some self-knowledge through your practice of self-therapy. Sounds like a win-win to me.